There are times when I look at my precious child, the one who is just too cute and whose smiles and chuckles light up my life, and think: my beautiful baby, how could you be so...
NAUGHTY??
I had one of those moments yesterday, when during his usual JG Chinese class, Noey bit another little girl on her cheek. There were visible teeth marks on her cheek and it was red and looked a bit bruised. Ouch. At that time, Noey was packing the toy cars back into the toy basket after he was told to put the toys away and the other little girl came up to try to take a car out of the basket. He tried to pull her hand away but she didn't let go. I was making my way over to them when suddenly he leaned forward and bit her in a bid to make her let go.
I was horrified, scolded him firmly, smacked him, made him apologise (which he did), but spent the rest of the class feeling rather like a pariah. I was the mother with the terrible child. The mother who didn't control her son and let him go hurt other children. The mother whose child everyone wanted to keep their children away from because he might attack them too.
I probably exaggerated it a bit in my mind but I don't think I was too far off the truth. After all, wouldn't I feel the same way if I had been a bystander or worse, the victim's Mum?
I felt guilty too, that I had not gotten there faster to break it up before anything happened.
But it's a fact isn't it? That children aren't naturally good. For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. None are innocent or righteous, including your precious child.
Today was a reminder or this, and also a reminder of my responsibility as a parent to teach, instruct, correct, and ultimately lead Noey (and in future his little sister as well) to know and do what is right. To flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart. That is my duty. That is my calling.
(This is also one of the reasons I'm not keen to send him to school just yet, when I will not be there to catch and correct him on the spot. I think it is primarily our responsibility as parents, not the teachers', to sort out these fundamental behavioural issues at this age. But this is a post for another time.)
Friday, November 12, 2010
There is None Righteous, No Not One
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Hi! Remember me? Aidan's mommy - the Aidan that oh-so-adores your brother in church. Incidentally when we went to Italy not long ago, Aidan asked about your brother every.single.day!
ReplyDeleteYour post resonated with me. Recently Aidan started on a course of bad behaviour - hitting and pushing in particular - and I also felt like a terrible mommy whenever he managed to inflict a hit on his cousins (mostly) before I could stop him. He knows full well that it is wrong because I've punished him many times over this, but somehow he seems unable to control his actions esp when it's retaliatory (i.e. someone snatching his toy).
There are so many times when I feel helpless, because he continues his bad behaviour even after countless reminders/punishments, and that's when I find myself surrendering to the Lord to ask him to lead and guide him - because as much as I can instruct and guide him as his earthly parent, I cannot do it without the partnership of his heavenly Father who created him, and who knew him before he was born.
Ok I've said too much! But that's because I fully understand how you feel! And congrats on the new bub! :)
Cheers, Karen
I SOOOOOOOOOOO hear you sister!
ReplyDeleteThat's why I agreed with you the other night during teochew muay, that K is just not ready for school yet.
Do you know I used to be so stressed whenever I got a call from her old childcare, informing me when she hit another child or bit them? She was in that biting stage for a while and it completely made me feel like you- I was the parent with the terrible, naughty, RUDE child (which totally went against what I've been teaching her all this while).
I completely relate to your last paragraph. I wonder how Noey and K will play together... they don't seem to "clash" so far huh. hmmmmm ;)
uh oh..i cannot quite imagine noey doing that either.
ReplyDeleteuntil they are old enough to be responsible for their actions, i think we will always feel this way when they do something wrong.
parenting is tough work!
Hi, been reading your blog for some time.
ReplyDeleteI was a SAHM to my 3.5yo boy for 2yrs. his behaviour is somehow quite similar to Noey.
My boy can get great aggressive. Determine to get toys he wants.. if not, he will throw the toys or hit his playmates.
He snatch and refuses to share most of times.
he wld struggles whenever i pull him away and made me feel like a lousy mummy esp i'm SAHM, all fingers seem to be pointing at me for having sucha kid
So i sent him to childcare (for 1 year already)though i'm SAHM . I would say his behaviour improve heaps as his teacher seem to have their own way in handling him. whenever i asked for feedback, they all tell me he been good.. except for occasionaly push and snatching of toys.
I hope i made you feel better :p boys will be boys! soon Noey will outgrow the stage.
Must be the first time noey has bit anyone? He really doesn't seem the aggressive type.
ReplyDeleteBut u are right. Innate sin manifests itself in our children and I see pure rebellion sometimes in kate... And a whiff of teenage defiance when Kate shuts her eyes / buries her head in the pillow/ covers them with her hands as if she can shut us out when we discipline her.
This is indeed a time of moulding.
karen :: hi, of course i remember -- my bro talks about aidan a lot too :) thanks for sharing -- i do know how it feels! you're right about them being unable to control their actions. we can only do our best and pray hard from them, and for ourselves.
ReplyDeletepf :: now that you mention it, i do remember you talking about K biting. i don't think they would clash though -- K prob won't be bothered with Noey.
candice :: hah, he can seem mild, but aggression and a temper are in there. i know that at 2 it is hard to control your emotions but it is something he will have to learn, with time.
justina :: hi there! thanks for sharing. glad to hear that childcare has helped your son -- something to think about :)
lyndis :: actually no, it's not the first time. he would occasionally do it. not regularly, so i don't know when to expect it unfortunately. sometimes he would pull other children's hair as well. that not out of aggression, but more out of curiosity. still, he knows that it is wrong and he shouldn't do it. may the Lord guide us as we seek to lead our little ones!
hi bean bean
ReplyDeleteit's my first time to visit your blog and i just want to let you know that i enjoyed reading your old posts. i love your photos too :)
i especially like your post about making everyday count. I must admit that I am not ready yet to die. I still want to accomplish so many things. but that post reminded that there God has a plan and the thing you called "calling."
great blog!
will visit this often.
thank you!
The principal at nat's school told parents that nursery kids do exhibit such behaviour as they do not know how to express themselves properly yet. It;s likely not something they will bring along with them as they grow up.
ReplyDeleteHey we all go through this. Don't beat yourself over this. I'd say takes two to clap. They were supposed to put away the toys but she wanted to take it out. It's probably the only way he knows to stop her. Not that it's right to bite but don't feel like you've failed in your parenting or what ok?
ReplyDeleteyou know, i agree that parents are the ones responsible for the upbringing of their children. however, i also strongly believe, after witnessing this with meredith, that sending her to school where she is able to interact with other kids of her age and have outside influences like her teachers have really helped her. we have the opposite problem... she's very passive and is often the one who bears the brunt of another kid's attack. sending her to school taught her how to stand up for herself without the need for violence, etc. of course, i'm blessed that i found a great school with VERY patient teachers with an emphasis on mild manners, etc. while we emphasise good manners, etc at home, i also know that i'm not perfect (i don't have the patience and our personalities often clash) and that having outside influence in the form of teachers is a good thing for her.
ReplyDeletesorry for the long diatribe. you're a good mom for recognizing that your child was in the wrong. i have met a lot of moms who think their kids are angels even if they're the terrors on the playground! i'm sure the other moms feel the same way i do - that kids will be kids and as long as the parent makes an attempt to correct the behavior, then there's no room to really fault the parent/child. but if the parent stands by and does nothing, then it's a completely different story.
miss vargas :: hi there! thanks for coming by and dropping a note! that post was a reminder to myself and i'm glad it struck a note with you :)
ReplyDeletelilsnooze :: i'm sure he will outgrow it, but i just don't want him to hurt other kids in the process of getting through this if i can help it.
michelle :: thanks michelle :) all part of the trials of being a parent!
denise :: thanks for the perspective. tis true that a good school and teachers can work wonders. i'll see how things go. i guess with a new baby coming i'm anticipating that his behaviour might become more challenging and i want to be there for him too for that. and yes, parents who make no effort to correct their child really annoy me!