A Year Older. Wiser Maybe?

I stayed up on Sunday night, wanting to ring in the last minutes of being my year before I wake up in the morning one year older.

I was having a good time shortlisting purchases on the internet - how convenient that my birthday this year coincides with memorial day sales, summer sales and the start of the GSS! This is FATE, my friends!

Then, with half an hour to go before midnight, Noey suddenly started crying in his sleep (from a bad dream, I am guessing), woke up, and needed to be soothed back to sleep. In between stroking, picking him up and rocking him, and finally putting him down and having him curl up beside me and clutch (what else?) my elbow, the witching midnight hour came and passed.

I think it is particularly apt that I started the next year of my life fulfilling my Mummy duties. In many ways, that's who I am now - Mummy first, and myself second.

To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't begrudge my son for making it this way. I love him and I want to be his Mummy. And to me, being his Mummy means that I am the one who is there for him, tending to his needs before my own. Before he learnt to sleep through the night, my mother repeatedly advised me to ask my helper to tend to him at night so that I could get some better sleep, especially on days when I had to go to the office the next day. I couldn't do that. When he was much younger and used to wake up at an unseemly hour, she told me to let my helper take the morning shift while I got some rest after waking up in the middle of the night. I didn't really want to do that. Even now, except on days when I absolutely cannot take it, I wake when Noey does, which is by 7.30am on most days. When I'm home, more often than not, I'm the one who ends up doing everything for him -- I bathe him, change his diapers, read to him, feed him his meals, bring him for walks, put him down for naps, clean him up with necessary, play with him, put him to sleep every night. It's not that I don't trust my helper. I am very fond of her and I know she does a good job of taking care of Noey. It's just that I think it's my job so I do it. Simple as that.

I haven't had a problem with the way things are but I've been thinking recently that I probably would like to tweak the balance a little bit so that I have a wee bit more time to myself. Some time to do a spot of shopping, get a massage, and go out and grab a coffee by myself or meet some friends for dinner. The husband is all for it -- in fact, he brought me shopping on my birthday because he thought I'd hardly been shopping for myself and that I needed some new clothes as my birthday treat. Got to love that man.

So I'm a year older. Not much wiser maybe, but hey, I'm learning everyday.

Yes, Noey blew out one of my candles while we were trying to get the photos taken!

PS. This also marks 5 years since I started writing this blog!