2012: My Year of Mothering

The close of the year is always a good time to reflect on the days gone by and that's what I was pondering as the year drew to a close. It was a big year for me so it took me this long to finish penning my thoughts!

2012 was a very different kind of year for me. It marked my first full year as a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mum). I officially had no - or negligible - income, gave my occupation as "Housewife" on all the forms I had to fill, and faced my kids 24/7. My heels lay languishing in the shoe cabinet, as did my work clothes in my wardrobe. My car became my new office, my shorts and t-shirts my default uniform. I wore my Melissa flats day in and day out, till one shoe split on me in December from overuse. I had to wake up earlier than ever, especially since Noey started attending the earlier session in school and I was the default driver. I did say my car was my new office, didn't I?

I'm glad that only one friend asked me how I was enjoying being a tai-tai. He duly received a dirty look in response.

As any Mum with young children would know, being a Mum is hard work. Whether you are a SAHM, a FTWM (Full-Time-Working Mum), a PTWM (Part-Time-Working-Mum), a WAHM (Work-At-Home-Mum) - don't we just love our acronyms? - the work never ends. You just juggle different balls, depending on which hat you happen to be wearing at that time.

There was certainly no tai-tai-ing for me, much as I would have welcomed that. In fact, I found myself with even less time than ever for myself. Since the kids and the household became my job, I felt I ought to be taking on the majority of the kid and home related tasks, and that's what I did. My Mum, who used take over the kids twice a week when I was working also decided to take a break, so I was on my own. I had a helper but she was new, which meant that time and effort had to be spent getting her up to speed as well.

It was incredibly overwhelming when I first started out. I had no plan and felt like I was fighting fires day after day, while the kids ran rings around me.

By and by, things fell into place. I started grasping what I had to do and hammering out ways to do it more effectively. I also started having more of a routine. Classes for the kids, marketing, planning/cooking lunch and dinner, household admin, playdates and outings were scheduled in. And in between, I squeezed out some time for myself too - for spots of shopping, lunch and dinner dates with friends and the husband, blogging, and bible study and fellowship.

One of the biggest blessings I have enjoyed this year is the opportunity I was given to get to know and enjoy the company of some wonderful, godly women who have made it their life's work to be there for their kids. I started BSF, and aside from the rich reward of studying God's word through the course of the year, I was encouraged by other Mums in the same class, in particular my group leader, who urged me to press on with being a SAHM when I was wavering under parental pressure to find some employment.

"You are the best person to bring up your kids, not anybody else," she said. And while there were days when I felt I wasn't up to scratch, I knew she was right.

I was also able to join a women's group in my church that, providentially, another sister-in-Christ felt called to set up. We only met once a month, but I treasured the time I could spend sharing and learning from other Mums, especially the older ones who are 过来人. When self-doubt plagues, and trust me, it does very often, having folks who have been through it offer encouragement, and pray for you, really makes a difference.

As they say, the days are long but the years are short. That is life with little children. It is more apparent to me than ever as I see the days of 2013 slip by even as I look back on the year that was 2012. I remember the interminable days when I would call DD tersely at 5pm and ask him what time he was coming home. All those seemingly un-ending days, gone in a flash.

The thing about being a SAHM to young kids is that for all your hard work, the results can be pretty intangible. You spend the whole day running after them, bathing them, changing diapers and clothes and wiping butts, feeding them, packing up after them and getting them to sleep while squeezing a bit of reading, a bit of art and craft, a bit of role-playing and playing with toys. You'll probably have to run an errand or two. But at the end of the day, you don't feel like you've accomplished anything at all. (And I don't even have to do the laundry or clean the house or cook on a regular basis!)

There are no lives saved, no big deals cut, and certainly no money made. (Hah.) After being part of a very goal and achievement-oriented society all my life, doing something with such long-term intangible results certainly takes some getting used to. I have much more to learn.

Yet for all that is mundane about the day-to-day, there is also many priceless moments. 

I really got to see my children grow up this year. 

Naomi started the year a baby and ended it a full-fledged toddler, and a cheeky one at that. She really is the family clown.

I got to see it all - her first step, the first time she leaped off the ground with both feet, the first time she climbed out of her cot. (Ok, I didn't actually see her climb out but it was I who found her walking out of her room into mine, to my immense shock.)

I watched as a switch flipped, and she added a word and another, and yet another, and started stringing them together in her own style. I was the one who, daily, cheered her little accomplishments, from feeding herself to doing jigsaws on her own. It was me she tried her impish smiles on as she tried to get unauthorised snacks or sought to get out of trouble. I was there looking on in amusement as she taught her Gor-gor to automatically use "Love you, Mummy!" and "Good night, Mummy!" and '"Thank you, Mummy!" by her sterling example. 

And yes, I noticed it, those moments as she slowly stopped calling me "Mama" and switched to calling me "Mummy". I am always sorry when that happens as it feels like my babies slip away when they stop calling me Mama. But I am comforted that in place of my baby, I now have a little girl. One who really doesn't think she's that little a girl. I know we are going to have a lot of fun together.

Noey too, has grown, from a little 3-year old to a slightly more mature, steadier, 4-year old.

He had a bit of a rough year in school and I was glad I was around to help him through that. It was his first full year in school and his teacher was rather young and inexperienced, so maybe it was to be expected. I'm also glad that I was able to watch him grow as a Gor-gor. To see the two children laughing together and having fun is really a great joy. I am liking 4-years-old.

So here we are at 2013. 

The obvious question that everyone has been asking me is: Am I going back to work? Well, I don't know. I never intended my SAHM position to be permanent, and yet, I can't see myself going back to a office-bound job. I had a couple of friends approach me to discuss potential part-time/work-from-home arrangements. It would be good if something pans out. But if not, I'll take it that this is my season to be at home. 

I've said it before it and it still rings true: I'm being a SAHM for me. It's what I think is best for the children, but also what I think is best for me, for now. I don't want to be that Mum, 10 years down the road, regretting that I had sacrificed for my children for naught. I don't consider it a sacrifice to be home with my children, for my children. A trade-off in some ways, yes, but also a privilege and something I'm happy to do, for them, and for me too.

Of course, I do sometimes have my doubts about whether I'm doing the right thing. 

There was this day when I was driving with both kids in the car and Noey was prattling along. I can't remember how we led into the conversation, but somewhere along the line, he piped up and said, "Next time when I am an adult, Mei-mei and I can live in our own house, and Mei-mei can drive me to work."

"Well, maybe you can drive Mei-mei to work," I said.

And that's when he dropped the killer line on me:

"Girls don't work!" he said dismissively.

I can tell you that at that point, the anything-boys-can-do-girls-can-do-better RGS girl in me really couldn't take it. Noey had to listen to a mini-tirade from his mother about how girls certainly did work and they - and I - were good at it. I don't think he really understood.

After that, I spent some time thinking about whether I was doing my children a disservice by staying at home. I came to peace when I resolved in myself that it is God's calling for me at this point in my life to be at home. There would be time to model the multi-faceted roles of a woman for my children in the years to come.

"Would you rather Mummy go out to work or stay at home?" I asked Noey.

"Stay at home! If not, who will look after me??" was his reply. And that was that. 

I've got lots of plans for 2013 - for home-improvement, self-improvement and child-improvement! And oh yes, blog-improvement too. Hee. Maybe I'll share more about all these in a subsequent post.

In the meantime, I'm glad to put 2012 behind me and look forward to God's guidance for the year ahead.