Goodbye 2009

It being the eve of a new year, I guess is appropriate to look back at the year past even as we look forward to the year ahead of us.

2009 was a very different kind of year for me, chiefly because it was my first full year as a Mummy. The year has been for me, for us, and probably for our families, all about Noey. It is truly amazing how he has swept in our lives and just taken them over! And in return he's given us many trying moments and a few scares, but also much plenty of laughter and much joy.

When I look at the little boy that he almost is today, I can scarcely remember the little baby that he was at the same time last year. He has, by God's grace, grown a great deal over this past year. And as we spent time with him, even as we thought we couldn't love him more than we did at that point of time, we found that we could and we did. Now, standing on the cusp of 15 months, he is, I find, cuter than ever. Before he turned 1, it felt like he was busy working on his physical development. Thereafter however, he has really blossomed in understanding and in his language development. To date, he can say 22 words fairly clearly and another 10 or so in Noey-speak (that only us parents would understand!). And on top of that, while "Bear", "Bird" and "Ant" are the only animals/insects whose names he can say, he can identify and convey with animal sounds or hand gestures another 10 more. He has also become much more interactive, playing, laughing and communicating. I can't wait for him to be able to speak in sentences in the coming year, even as I know that I might regret that when I can't get him to stop talking!

Thinking about this also makes me particularly grateful for the fact that I have mostly been able to be around Noey to catch each development that he has made as it happened. This year also marked the year when my career took a backseat as Noey took front and centre in my life. I went back to work at the end of February, unsure of how it would all pan out, but by God's grace, it has turned out to be the perfect arrangement for me. It has given me time to be out of the house, socialise with my colleagues, and put my mind to work and yet be home with Noey for the better part of the week. The year ahead will mark changes on my work life as a dear friend, colleague and mentor will be leaving the organisation. I will miss her greatly. Her leaving actually left me in a quandary as I was asked to consider taking over her position. I was honestly surprised by how much the offer made to me weighed on my mind. It would have been a promotion and a position of more autonomy and control. I would have been exposed to more on the work front and also be of greater prominence to the powers that be. It would also have brought a pay raise of course. But it would have required me to return to full-time work with a heavier workload, and that was something I wasn't sure I wanted or was prepared to do just yet. It took time and prayer, and also consultation with DD before I was able to make my decision and be at peace with it. There are still steps to be taken internally but God willing, I will be continuing with my part-time arrangement for another year.

On the relationship front, I must admit that this has been one of our rougher years. What we were guilty of was not so much unpleasantness, but neglect. With Noey taking up so much of our time and energy, we didn't have much left to spend on each other. It took a while for us to find our footing and to take active steps to address the issue -- less computer time, more couple time -- and I think we are in a better place now. Indeed I know that I could not be more blessed with a partner who knows me through and through and still loves me without reservation. Despite his occasional self-doubt, DD has taken to fatherhood swimmingly and Noey's love for his Papa is evident.

With so much already on our plate, I wonder if we are crazy to be thinking about #2. But we are thinking about it and well, let's see what the year would bring. At least we know that we would definitely have family support! Certainly it has been crucial to my peace of mind on the days when I'm in the office. Everyone is always impressed when they realise that I can just take-off on the mornings I need to go to the office as my Aunt would come over to help watch Noey before I leave, and then my Mum would drive down to pick him and my Aunt back to her place later in the morning so that I wouldn't have to fight the early rush hour morning traffic to Jurong to drop Noey off. And some days when I need to work late or need a break, my parents would send Noey home as well. I have been very blessed in this regard. Noey has certainly brought our families closer together and helped us appreciate the things our parents have done for us over the years. And all the things they continue to do for us. Having Noey and loving him as I do has opened my eyes to how much our parents love us, and made me realise that you never stop being a parent, no matter how old your child is. I want and must do more to appreciate them in the year ahead.

In the year ahead, I also want to do more to spend time with friends, both old and new. Both my best friends relocated to UK at the end of 2008 so I spent a good part of early 2009 feeling a little rudderless. But as things go, I was able instead to forge stronger friendships with friends and fellow mummies, some of whom I would never have met but for the internet. It has been an incredible year as I've gotten to know so many wonderful babes on a deeper level as we shared our mummy joys and woes (and ok, our shopping conquests as well!). I look forward to doing more of the same in 2010.

In retrospect, I realise that I quite enjoyed 2009 after all! God was indeed gracious. Here's to a better 2010. We don't know what tomorrow may bring, but He does. And we can look walk confidently into the future knowing that He holds it all in His hands.

"Happy New Year One and All! See you in 2010!"